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From Slayin’ Princess to Bad-Ass Queen, 10 Steps to Up Your Game

Nobody is perfect. We are all on a journey to become our best selves. Some of us have our shit together though most of us have forgotten where it all is but, hey, we are good at faking it, right?

The truth is, ladies, we are powerhouses. We wear multiple hats a day (mom, boss, therapist, nurse, organizer, financial guru, taxi), some at the same time and, by some miracle, we manage to stay sane (most of the time). And yet, we are constantly trying to improve ourselves to the next level of bad-assery, even if we have no idea where to start. Until now.

This quick 10-step guide will help you focus those desires of becoming the best, bad-ass self you can be. This article contains easy steps and tips that you can incorporate into your busy life overnight and literally start your journey to a better you right now!

1. As the great Elsa said: Let it go!

Let go of the negativity. It holds us back from so many things in life – most importantly, happiness. When you focus your thoughts and energies on “I have the worst luck” or “Everything blows up in my face, nothing ever works out” – that is exactly what you will get. Our thoughts become our reality. You must choose how your energy is spent.

Why? Well, because that is all you are focusing on. You need to shift your view to the lighter side of things, and your whole world will change.

“When I’m not feeling my best I ask myself, ‘What are you gonna do about it?’ I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me.” – Beyonce

Focusing on the negative in life does so much more damage than give you a bad day. It takes a toll on you physically, mentally and spiritually – it even effects those around you. So, how can you let go of that negativity? Here are a few tips:

  • Adopt an ‘Attitude of Gratitude’. This means making it a point to express thankfulness and appreciation in all parts of your life, on a regular basis, for all things big and small. Write it down in a journal or planner, or even just think about it before bed.
  • Stop Complaining (Whining). We all do it, but it doesn’t solve anything and just wastes precious energy on negativity. Once you realize just how often you are complaining, you’ll stop. Start to realize how unnecessary and bothersome it is (for you and those around you).
  • Create time and space. Choose a regular time every day for some mindful meditation practice, ideally a quiet place free from distraction. (Hard to do with kids, I usually hide in the back of my closet, quiet, and dark. Best hide-and-go-seek spot in the house!)
  • Take a deeper look into yourself. Usually, negativity comes from a place of unhappiness. Ask yourself what may be troubling you? Is there something you would like to change? How can you improve things to make yourself happier? Do some self-reflection and be open to making changes.

2. Be Kind

Kindness costs nothing to give but is priceless to those who receive it, even if they don’t show or reciprocate it. You can’t control how other people are going to react but you can control yourself, so don’t be an asshole. Empathize, remember that you have no idea what anyone else is dealing with in their lives. Say “Please”and “Thank you”. Hold the door. Don’t push your way through, say “Excuse me”. This is seriously the easiest step to becoming a better, bad-ass woman.

3. Be Authentic, really.

“No matter where you are in life, you’ll save a lot of time by not worrying too much about what other people think about you. The earlier in your life that you can learn that, the easier the rest of it will be.”  ― Sophia Amoruso

Let’s be honest ladies, how can you be your BEST self, if you’re not even being yourself??

NEVER, EVER hide who you are. Where is the fun in that? Girl, you gotta do you!

I am not saying it’s as easy as that, flip a switch and you are comfortable in your own skin, you love your hair and your body. Don’t try to be like someone else – never apologize or hide who you are. The best people are unique, weird, authentic, different, quirky and because they are, they are confident.

4. Define Your Values

What is important to you? Create a personal moral code, do it with the person you want to become in mind. Write these down, keep them somewhere you will see them. As you work on following these values and morals along your journey, you will become the person you envisioned.

5. No More Self Doubt

Let go of others’ opinions, let go of fear of failure, let go of pre-conceived opinions of yourself, let go of comparison. This is not an easy step, but it is SO important. You cannot become the next level bad-ass woman if you are constantly doubting your abilities, self-worth, skills, etc.

When your inner doubts bubble up, you gotta jump in and stop it. Don’t let them spin out of control or grow from a whisper to a stream of discouraging sentences. Compare yourself to yourself – how far you have come, what you have accomplished.

Don’t worry about what others may think or say about you, “or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.” (Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen)

6. I Love Me

This takes time: Find one thing to love and grow from there. Fall in love with you. The best way to begin this step is with positive affirmations. Speak positively to yourself. Every morning, while you are getting ready for the day, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat a positive affirmation to yourself three times – your day will start with a good, warm, fuzzy feeling.

Some positive affirmations to get you started:

  • I am a beautiful and strong person. I can slay anything that comes my way.
  • I am a confident, bad-ass woman. I am going to slay it today.
  • I am going to be my best, rock-star self today. I will stay positive and kind.
  • I am going to have a kick-ass day. Nothing will crush my positive mood.
  • My outfit is on point today. I feel confident and beautiful.

Pick any affirmation that aligns with you, your vibes, your energy. Make it your own. I guarantee this morning routine will not only change your mindset, but will lay the foundation for the day and the rest of your life.

7. Expand Your Mind

Read books, stories and news every day. Not just genres you are familiar with – expand your horizons. You will not love every book, not every book will provide profound, insightful ideas. Try both fiction and non-fiction. Non-fiction will teach you about the world, fiction will improve your empathy and imagination.

“Some books should be tasted, some devoured, but only a few should be chewed and digested thoroughly.” – Francis Bacon

Ask around, get book or author recommendations. Join a book club, or subscribe to a recommended reading list. Here are few to get you started:

  • The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
  • A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
  • The Power of Right Thinking: Transform Your Thoughts, Transform Your World by Kerry Kirkwood
  • Your 3 Best Super Powers by Sonia Choquette
  • The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

8. Invest in You

Don’t think “I’m so busy, I can’t even think about me right now” – um, excuse me? How did taking care of yourself become last on the list? Girl, you gotta put your best foot forward which means you have to be on point. Do I mean taking two hours to get ready for the day? Um, no.

What I mean is taking some ‘me time’ each and every day. This can be the five minutes you hide in your closet to clear your mind, or could be just buying that book you’ve been wanting to read. Really, it’s anything that makes you feel great.

There is always time for you. Nobody or anything comes before you. #Truth

Invest in memories and experiences. Spending time participating in new experiences allows you to learn so much about yourself, creating memories that last a lifetime! Go for a hike. Check out that new art gallery.

Become a lifelong learner – invest time into things you want or love. Try that cooking class or online course. Even start a new hobby.

9. Push Your Boundaries

Or better yet, try something that scares you! Step out of your comfort zone, you never know what is waiting for you – maybe a passion you didn’t know was hiding deep inside you. Every new experience in our lives is a lesson, regardless of how the experience went.

Overcome your fear of “What if I don’t like it?” or “What if I fail?” – and get to know yourself better. You just might surprise yourself. With each new experience, you stimulate your creativity. By overcoming new and exciting situations you make your brain happy.

No, I don’t mean go sky diving if you are afraid of heights, or swim with sharks. I just mean expand your horizons, as Forrest Gump so wisely said “Life’s like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”

Need some ideas? Try these:

  • Try a new cuisine – what about French, Lebanese or Korean?
  • Ballroom dancing lessons – maybe salsa? Or hula?
  • Try out a new form of exercise like Pilates, tennis or swimming.
  • Plant an herb garden and actually USE them in your meals.
  • Learn how to cook a new dish for dinner, because we all get tired of eating the same thing,

10. The Power of Self Reflection

Sometimes, we just need to take a good, long look at ourselves and go “what-the-actual-fuck have I been doing?” No, seriously. We gotta take some time now and again, evaluate ourselves and give credit where credit is due.

You are a powerful warrior. You are constantly growing, learning, evolving into a bigger, badder version of yourself. You go girl!

Set some time to specifically focus on questions about your goals, your behavior, and your general state of mind.

  • Am I living up to my core values and personal mission?
  • Am I a person I would respect?
  • Am I treating my body right? Nurturing it – food AND exercise?
  • Am I meeting the expectations that I place on others?
  • Are my talents being used to their full potential?
  • Am I giving 110% or half-assing my way through things?
  • Am I on the path to my ideal future? What is life calling of me?
  • Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?

You could also try to maintain a journal where you can, as I put it, mentally throw up on paper. Put everything in there—thoughts, fears, expectations, desires, aspirations, really bad stick figure drawings, coffee stains, etc. Look for journal prompts to get you going, but soon it will come naturally to you. This self-reflection will help you prioritize your thoughts and ambitions.

Seriously – ask yourself anything. It is between you, the pen, and the paper. No holds barred. Be open-minded. Don’t think about what you are writing. Just write.

Ok, so I know I said you could start incorporating these right away and see a new you emerging as soon as tomorrow. But that really depends on you. How bad do you want to see the REAL you? If you made it this far, then I’d say you want it really bad. And with that in mind, review the list. Take it one step at a time. Be mindful as you work on each step. Keep the ideal you in mind always, and she will be here before you know it!

You got this.